Fidgeting

Thinking about fidget toys this morning...In theory, I am apposed to the use of fidgets, but when I sit down at my computer and start thinking about all the engineering problems I need to solve, I reach for something. I fiddle with my pen, I grab a snack from my lunch, I check my phone...why?

I think that I am looking for comfort.

That may seem odd when you think about the types of things you find yourself fidgeting with, but I think there might be a connection.

I look for other things that I can control when I'm facing a problem that I do not yet have in control. The small thing, the small easy task gives me comfort, makes me believe I can tackle the big challenge in front of me.

What if God was my fidget?

What if whenever I was faced with a big challenge outside of my immediate control, I reached for God? Not as something that I could easily manipulate, but as the Almighty Everlasting Loving Father that comes up along side of me, puts His hand on my shoulder, and says, "Now what are you working on here, son? Need any help?". Instead of pushing His hand away, and saying, "No. I got this. You'll see." - or worse, not even acknowledging His presence - what if I just took the time to answer Him with, "Hey Dad! I'm glad you're here. I could really use some help figuring this one out. You see, here's the problem, I've got...".

Now that's comforting. A lot more comforting than that donut I'm scarfing down as I'm staring at my computer screen...that I know is going to have negative impacts on my health.

What if I enjoyed working along side of Him, knowing that everything is going to turn out great with Him there - even if sometimes it looks like I've really screwed it up? He is patient, and he likes to see me learn. He made me this way, and He enjoys working with me. Maybe I should just let Him.

Claustrophobic - letting go

I had a dream in which I was walking down a hallway. The hallway had concrete block walls and was in a basement of a large building. At the end of the hallway, around the corner was a small room not much bigger than a closet, but it was set up like a library with tall shelves filled with books. It had a shelf along the back wall and a central shelf protruding out from the right wall. Curious, I go in, perusing the shelves. As I get to the back corner, around the central shelf, someone comes up behind me. They are interested in the books as well. Then another person shows up. I try to get out, but there is no way around them. I'm starting to get a little uncomfortable. I climb the center book shelf, hoping to jump over, but when I look over the top, I see a whole crowd that has packed the hallway, and they all are pressing into the room, filling every available space...

I can't get out... 

I start to panic. 

My heart rate sky rockets.

I recognize something is wrong...not with the situation, but with me. I know panicking is not going to solve anything, and is actually making the situation worse. I know I need to calm down...but how?!

I remind myself of the truth, 

"Why am I so upset? I am not under any immediate threat. The oxygen is not going to run out. I am not being hurt. I am just...not in control. I can't do what I want. I'm stuck. But most importantly, even though I am not in control, God is in control. He can take care of me. I don't have to be afraid. Even if this is the end of my earthly life, God is in control. I don't have to be afraid." 

A tremendous relief flows over me. The fog of panic lifts, and I can think clearly about the situation. It occurs to me that I haven't even asked the crowd if they can move back and let me out...

And I wake up. 


I was so nervous when I was not in control of my space. I can see this in other areas of my life as well. But God is still in control. If I let him be in control, I can relax. Then I can think clearly about the situation, and my fears don't run me over.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen." - First Peter 5:6-11 ESV